Jack's Philosophy of Animals

Jack: Daddy, are birds animals?
Me: Yes, they are. You are an animal, too, Jack.
Jack: NO I'M NOT! You are my Daddy, so I am not an animal.

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Jack: Mommy, we buy fish at the pet store, right?
Kate: Yes, Jack.
J: Are they pets?
K: Yes, Jack.
J: But we don't pet them, right.
K: No, you shouldn't pet a fish.
J: Well, if we can't pet them, then they are not pets.

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(While driving)

Kate: Ewww, yuck! A bird just pooped on the windshield.
J: Ewww.
Me: I think the bird was aiming for you.
J: What did the bird say?
Me: Huh? I don't think it said anything.
J: Yes, you just said it said something.
Me: Ummm, it said "Bombs away!"
J: No. I think it said, (here Jack switches to a high, squeaky voice) "Ha ha! I'm going to poop on that blue truck down there!"

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(While driving past Petland)

Jack: Daddy, is that the bad pet store?
Me: Yes, Jack.
J: We don't go there because they are mean to puppies, right?
Me: That's exactly right big boy.

I've taught him well.